LoveCriminal.

Its no longer about myself.

2012-03-11T14:36:00.011+08:00

Well spent Saturday night over at Rebel with Xiaoshi, Jes, Xiuhui, Angela.C, Rafidah and Jiale. 7 girls, bought alcohol over at 7-11, head over to blue bridge to play games and drinks and then to the dancefloor to party the night out. It was a great one but so tired after party. We were high on alcohol.

plently of love.

Lets appear strong.

2012-03-10T12:24:00.011+08:00

Another week of ITP is over. I had say things are slightly getting better and maybe it is because we are slowly getting used to it. Did some model making for the company days back and some rendering and perspective of their project with the new program we tried learning ourselves. Yvette came visiting us on Wednesday, so relieved to see her. Encouragement sometimes really counts alot.

So yesterday we head over to town for dinner together after another week of work and had some late shopping. Great dinner together although its a rather short one because we were released late from work. Kinda fucked up but whatever. So great to see my girls :)

Think i injured my hand while doing the model. Kinda hurts whenever i touch it. Don't know what's wrong. Fuck!

Party tonight with my girls! :)

Titanium

2012-03-05T00:03:00.011+08:00

First of all,

HAPPY 19TH BIRTHDAY TO EILEEN!!! I LOVE YOU!!! :D

Spend my Sunday heading out with Xs and Eileen in the evening. Had sushi over at Nihon Mura at Cineleisure. We had great food after a week of intership. Really miss days when we were always together in the studio, things were different now. So after dinner, we went around to shop cause its has been so long since we shop and bought clothes. In need of clothes for work at the same time. Rushing around before Topshop closes and snapping pictures around. It was a short but great night together.

Catch a real bad flu and fever now, i'm gonna look real sick when i report for work tomorrow. :( But somehow i wish i will never recover ... hahaha sick in the mind.

I feel so silly.

2012-03-03T23:57:00.001+08:00

ITP started for a week, i wasn't enjoying and happy about it at all. Feeling lousy and things came crashing on me at the wrong timing. Made things worst, such horrible life to deal with when the rest are having their semester holiday. What the fuck!
Went Holland V with xs and eileen after work ended on friday, i don't really want to talk about work cos its sucky. Had dinner together and chilled at a bar. Really wish to get drunk at that moment, many things have been troubling me lately and i just feel like escaping from all this. There is no longer that someone who can be there for me to talk to anymore, suddenly i feel so lost without all this.

I caught a bad flu and i feel so horrible now.

I really don't know what to do with my heart.

2012-03-02T10:45:00.003+08:00

Have you ever went back to the days when we just knew each other and look through every conversation, and just miss those times a little? Thinking back whatever you have said and promise and feeling good when you know you have made someone happy. I did cause i spend my entire train ride looking through our conversation and i wasn't even half done with it ...

Yes that's how fragile love is.

Mismatch words and actions.

2012-03-01T10:01:00.010+08:00

I gets paranoid easily when i am in love for i am always afraid that people will leave like how they always do. Sometimes getting paranoid just makes me see things more clearly cause things are usually not just my imagination but reality. But it is such a torturing process to always get hurt in the end. I always trusted and see a future with the one i am with but just nothing good comes out of it and its always like this. I am tired and extremely heartbroken to always get tons of excuses during the separation or should i just say 'breaks'. I don't know where i have gone wrong and always i am left with no choice but to accept the fact that they want to leave, and always its when their stand are firm or they have already made a decision. Yes i know all this takes time to heal and that perhaps i will stay even happier than before but trust me, i take long to let go and only when i know that person has change to someone who i no longer knew from the start then i usually let go.

I hate the fact that no one has been fighting over me and that they always give up on me just cause of some minor issues or issues that are actually just one sided and own thinking, own thinking that actually no one cares but they just want to persuade to you how much it really does to them. I always believe how if there is love, nothing cannot be solve and that everything can be overcome as long as we try to settle it. As long as our feelings is there, nothing is impossible. But just no one seems to be able to prove it to me that they can do as much as i am willing to do, as much as i am willing to sacrifice or give to them. The future is in our hands yes, but if one keeps trying to escape and leaving just cause they feel nothing will work out, then in the end nothing will happen isn't it. I mean if you never try but you assume that everything will not work out then you will never know if its possible, no?

I hate to say this but i feel like a failure in my love life, maybe for now i suppose. As much as i wanted to commit and try to give the other partner as much as i could, they just never want to allow me too and always leave halfway. So why am i feeling all this when i finally feel the happiness, only to get smash as soon as promises were made? Why am i feeling all this when i am already here suffering with my work yet trying to provide the best for the other partner but they just didn't want to sacrifice alittle for me. Why can't we just accept and comprehend each other more. Why can't anyone just understand my intention more but always doubt about everything that is going to happen. I don't want to blame anyone at all cause i do understand that my work really came at the wrong timing and that i can't provide you as much as possible but didn't you already stated to me beforehand that you doesn't mind? Why the change now? I don't get it.

Am i not worth any of your sacrifices or am i just not worth you to fight for from the start. Or am i just another girl that can be taken after i show care for you during your schooldays but when comes to holiday and i am slightly busy, you just can't do the same for me? Yes all this is my fault. No i am not blaming you. Just feel like a real failure in my life. And sorry i rant too much but i really need to blog this out. I need to rant and this is the only place i can really type things out as much as i wanted to other than my friends and family.

Is there just anymore things that i am being kept in the dark and i don't know at all? Am i just too silly everytime for trusting people and their words too easily? Am i someone easy to get or just someone who can be dump easily? As much as i wanted to put my entire heart into a r/s for the one i love and really have a stable future with them, they always just left halfway and give up on me. So where have i gone wrong? What wrongs did i commit? Why am i getting all the shits in my love life?

Huge bottle of feelings troubling me for the entire night, i couldn't sleep a wink and i woke up feeling more horrible than before ... Everything just happen in a blink of eyes and there it goes, i have lost you ...

I don't know ... :(

Friday night.

2012-02-26T22:10:00.003+08:00

Offically done with year2. Zouk on friday with Xiaoshi, Jes, Eileen and Rafidah. Slacking weekends but Itp starting tomorrow, 6 weeks of work. Sian :(

After weeks of war.

2012-02-21T23:30:00.001+08:00

All ready to start declaring my early start of holiday till next Monday. Dreadful that the long semester holiday gonna be occupied with Intership. I want to be free and not trap in that office, working long hours just to get promoted to Year 3. And, i'm having my final critique for year2 tomorrow, good and bad points to being the first on the list. But, i just want to get over it as soon as possible. Hopefully i don't screw my presentation up again. Wish me luck!!

This month has been fast, guess its due to the workload and rushing for submission everyday that i didn't notice how time just zoom right infront of me. Glad its all over.

And, i want to go shopping! In need of more clothes for Intership! :(

2012-02-13T23:35:00.002+08:00

Interim submission just ended today, had itp briefing after that followed by consultation about our submission on the constructions drawings. Hell bad consultation order, was placed near the last cos we submitted early and our work was right below the pile of submission. Waited for 6long hours till our turn, pretty much wasted our entire monday waiting when we could be home earlier.

So this week will be a rather good week for me to rush my next submission at home for i will only return back to school next monday for that submission. So shiok for many lessons have already ended last week and some lessons were optional this week. 6 days, many times to do: Autocad, 3dmax, walkthrough, rendering and presentation boards, am already seeing the light and the glow of next week, can't wait for all this to end.

February started off pretty bad for me, i have got tons of unhappiness in issues i get so sensitive in, things i shouldn't even be bothered or be affected by but things get better real soon. Have got the best of mood almost everyday, been sucha happy girl and realising that actually i have so much that i didn't really notice because i never really tried to count my blessings. Am really lucky for having my family by me, especially my mum who will nag me in issues and stuff but always will be generous when i tried to spend once in a while on shopping. Blessed to have my friends with me for they make schooling and studying so much more fun, i laugh almost everyday when i am with them, nothing seems to bring us down. And of course that someone dear to me, been such a great gift, such a wonderful person appearing in my life.

Alright, shall start work tomorrow instead. I'm deadbeat!

2012-02-06T23:43:00.014+08:00

Saw this over at someone's blog and most of it seems so true, at least for mine it was. Check this out, only include some birthday months of the people who are important to me. :)

January - Chatter (Me)
Loves to chat. Loves those who love them. Loves to takes things at the centre. Inner and physical beauty. Lies but doesn’t pretend. Gets angry often. Treats friends importantly. Brave and fearless. Always making friends. Easily hurt but recovers easily. Daydreamer. Opinionated. Does not care to control emotions. Unpredictable. Extremely smart, but definitely the hottest AND sexiest.

March - Gorgeous (Eileen)
Drop dead gorgeous!!! Attractive personality. Very sexy!!. Affectionate & Secretive. Naturally honest, generous and sympathetic. Chatterbox! Loves to talk alot! Loves to get their way! . Unbelievable kisser! Easily angered. Very stubborn in the most way possible! Loves to get noticed! Willing to take risks for others. Makes good choices. Has a great fashion sense! Maybe a little too popular with others . Outgoing and crazy at times! Intelligent. Can sometimes be a heartbreaker! Can love as much as possible! Hates insults. Loves compliments! and quiet the charmer. Trustworthy. Appreciative and returns kindness. The best in bed out of the other 11 months!! Hardly shows emotions. Tends to bottle up feelings. Observant and assesses others.likes to keep theyre crushes kinda secret.pretty much flawless.

July - Gangsta (Jes)
You’ve got the best personality and are an absolute pleasure to be around. You love to make new friends and be outgoing. You are a great flirt and more than likely have a very attractive partner, a wicked hottie. Like somebody with a JUNE brithday. It is also more likely than that you have a massive record collection. When it comes to films, you know how to pick them and may one day become a famous actor/actress yourself - heck, you’ve got the looks for it!!!

October - Hottie (Xiaoshi)
Trustworthy and loyal. Very passionate and dangerous. Wild at times. Knows how to have fun. Sexy and mysterious. Everyone is drawn towards your inner and outer beauty and independent personality. Playful, but secretive. Very emotional and temperamental sometimes. Meets new people easily and very social in a group. Fearless and independent. Can hold their own. Stands out in a crowd. Essentially very smart. Usually, you ever begin a relationship with someone from this month, hold on to them because their one of a kind.

My life has been pretty busy with school for i only have less than 2 weeks till final submission and damn i am so behind task. Have to increase my speed in my work and hopefully be able to submit a complete and good toilet proposal.

Screwed first day of February.

2012-02-01T23:51:00.004+08:00

I have been such a horrible, rude and irritating girl today.
Everything just seems to piss me off, everything just feels negative.
Really sorry towards people who cared like xs, my mum and my boy.

Things just affect me that easily today, it just spoils my mood all of a sudden, everything feels like shit. I get sian easily, angry easily, sad easily. Horrible, seriously feel so fucked up.

And my work is not helping me a single bit, i feel like giving up even more on this project when i am in such a lousy mood. I am tired, tired of being so lost in this project. No one is helping, no one could perhaps and no one will bother i guess. It feels pointless continuing this project, its like the first time i have been so lost in a project, you don't know how to continue, what to do to make all this work. Super sucky feeling even more when you see the rest making progress but you are still stucked there with your lousy work and concept. This is bad, i just can't seem to get out of this. I just feel like give up, heck care about everything and just get a long holiday but i know i have to do this, its just impossible to just give it up like this. Haiss :(

Really am thankful for people who are still always there for me despite my moodswing once in a while. Really thankful for listening to my rants and all. Love you all super much please!

Enchanted much.

2012-01-29T01:25:00.013+08:00

I want to see the guy i have fallen in love with,

I want to tell him straight in the face that i love him.

I want to kiss him slowly,

And let him know that he is all that i ever need.

I want to be there for him like how he is there for me,

I want to show him that its alright to love again,

I want to let him know that i'm worth it,

And let this love goes on for as long as it can be.

But when there is love, there is fear that comes with it,

I'm afraid, afraid of getting rejections again,

Cause i know i'm never perfect enough for him,

But i just want him to know, i will always always love him.

Definitely enchanted to meet someone like him,

Its the best thing that ever happened in my life.

And I will never ever regret falling in love with him.

oh baby you should know the 'him' will always, always be you.

overdue

2012-01-27T00:23:00.000+08:00

Super overdue pictures as i was too busy after my birthday night cos it was chinese new year not long after and my internet spoil on the eve of chinese new year so i couldn't update my blog at all. Anyway, my birthday night at Rebel with my girls was good, had fun while partying :)

So, its friday once again. It has been so fast. New year was alright, great to see my relatives and all. Get to gamble and drink. And get to stay out of school. This week has been pretty awesome cos i have holiday till thursday which thursday can also be considered as a holiday because we only went to school to submit a stupid report.

So we went to Jes house to stayover and bainian on wednesday and head over to school together in the morning on thursday. All was good and fun! Love days like this although we were sick and tired after all the fun in the end.

Goodnight.

Nineteenth.

2012-01-20T19:19:00.006+08:00

Happy 19th birthday to me, i feel old and i want to be stuck at 18 :(
Can't change the fact that i have grow older a year, feels sucky to let people know im 19. My day started off pretty well with the sweetest text from someone, cutest text from my parents and receiving wishes from my friends and relative throughout the day. Surprises when i receive my presents, am really happy :) Thanks all.

Heading to Rebel later with ma girls for party hehehe, i am so excited!!
Thanks to all that made my day, wo ai ni men muark!

doesn't feel quite right here

2012-01-17T00:21:00.010+08:00

I am tired of breathing, feel that my life is pretty wasted. Getting a year older in another 3days and it makes me think back of what i have all these years. There are so many silly acts i use to do to cause my parents to be worried and sad over, so much tears drop for the wrong person, so much money spend on the wrong things. Feels so wasted. Kinda do not have mood or am not excited at all to turn 19, feel like 18 has not been long and good enough to move out of. But i do hope this week still past fast, i want to celebrate cny with my family, relatives and friends. Got to get my submissions done up first, feeling so damn tired :/

love,

Angela

happy buys

2012-01-12T23:08:00.004+08:00

Bought my shoes, the blue top from modparade and the dress from editor's market this week. Shall get a flats, a new watch, maybe a bagpack, mac studio fix foundation and get my hair cut and dyed soon. Omg, i am so excited for chinese new year!! Cannot wait to wear my new clothes and see my relatives!! Another week moreeeeee ~

I'm so tired, 8am lecture tomorrow on Friday the 13th. Hopefully nothing bad gonna spoils the day! :)

2012-01-08T17:09:00.005+08:00

Bro's POP early in the morning yesterday. It was hot, the sun was horrible. Its been rather fast to know that my bro has been in the army for four months. Life is tough in there but definitely great when you have great companies and friends with you.

Went to Phuture with Xiaoshi, Eileen and Joey at night. Saw Jianyang there too and went find Marcus at Velvet Underground. Had a bad fall even before the party even started. Such a big cut and pain wound at my knee, gross. Spize after club then home.

I'm so tired and i woke up with a sprain neck. :/

No school friday

2012-01-06T15:27:00.008+08:00

Toilet Experience Workshop for Ids project brief this term.
Its awkward asking people to fill in my survey form with the topic 'Toilet' but no choice, i still have to do this in the end. Kinda excited about the final submission to look at what i have produced. Last project before ITP, got to do my best! :)

Drop by the Openhouse at Sp yesterday during our break and we got the cute little speech bubble balloon even though its not suppose to be for us sp students. So after the workshop which ended pretty early, we went to Nyp cos we are too bored and it was my first time there. Different feeling you get when you entered different polytechnics.

And when there is nothing to do, we take pictures ... #bored.

Chilling at Holland V tonight and bro's POP tomorrow in the morning. :)

wasted first day

2012-01-03T23:06:00.001+08:00

School Reopen. Back to stressful days and sleepless nights!

First day of school was mad bored and wasted. Practically going to school for nothing. RWP was horrible, couldn't understand a single thing she is talking because of her accent and her habit of talking to herself. Plus, she always won't fail to go lesson spending half of the class time, fixing her laptop to the screen. Fail! The mock interview was also another waste of time, already over le still interview just to have a component to mark on.

Returning back to school on Thursday since there is no class tomorrow :)

2012-01-01T23:52:00.002+08:00

2012

Doesn't feel like its another year, didn't feel that there is any change.
Whatever it is, all the unhappiness, mistakes, thoughts, hatred should be all left back in 2011, 2012 is a brand new year, shall start everything afresh and good.

Spend my last day of 2011 with my girls (jes, xs, xh, eileen) over at rebel. It was hell crowded and the tickets were so expensive!! But we had a great night together. Love all my pretty girls ^^

School on Tuesday, yay? :)

Zoom

2011-12-30T17:29:00.006+08:00

Wed: Ladies Night at Rebel with ma girls and co. Had drinks over at blue bridge first before we enter the club at 1am. It was hell crowded but still it was a good night. Left the club and board the cab around 6am plus to Jurong McDonald for breakfast, hell hungry. Saw many familiar faces that night.

Thurs: Got my 4hrs of sleep after returning home at 8am and prepare to head down to town with my parents for shopping. I was mad tired the whole day. Bought quite a bit and then went home in the evening. Slept quite early but wake up a couple of times and then couldn't sleep at 1am. Went to watch tv instead and slept again at 3am. Sucha pig.

2011 ending in 1 more day, been so hell fast i swear. Not sure about my plans tomorrow but i don't want to be stucked at home, having countdown myself. MUST GO OUT!!

Need to stay strong.

2011-12-25T00:54:00.018+08:00

Merry Christmas everyone.

Erase a whole chunk of words only to realise i will be fine when im awake. Im just tired, and tired makes me think, think of everything. I'm sucha fool for thinking about it over and over again and letting people take me for granted. Back with a smile, no more sad faces today. Happy Xmas!!! :)

adventurous

2011-12-24T13:49:00.018+08:00

Happy Christmas Eve !!!

Back from Genting after hours and hours of ride on the coach.

Went to Golden Mile early in the morning to board our bus, 7hours on the coach was way horrible for me, i was having a terrible headache since morning and my motion sickness made me worst. Feel like puking for the entire trip, whats more i couldn't fall asleep no matter how tired i was. And so even when i reached Genting, i was still having a terrible time, puking things i ate. So shag. We had food and did some shopping but i was way too sick to even take a look around, so i went back to the hotel first to sleep while they continued their shopping. Woke up at night, not feeling any better, but we went to eat hotpot and then bowling there where the entire place was so cool, and amazingly, the club music there made me better, my headache was gone. So the night slightly turn better for me. Went to coffeebean to use wifi for awhile and back to hotel to bathe. Did mask too, such a simple day.

Woke up early to prepare and head down to the theme park to play. Before that we had breakfast at KFC first then we went to buy our tickets. Most outdoor rides were closed due to the weather and so i couldn't try the roller-coaster and stuffs but i love the weather there. The wind was so huge and the water vapour made us wet very soon, it was cold. Played till afternoon and then there was nothing left to play, so we decided to head down to KL.

Took cable car down to the bus terminal and then an hour ride of coach down and another train down before we finally reach Sungei Wang Plaza at KL. The time was really limited for us there because we got to rush back to Genting, and the last bus was at 8pm which we thought was at 7pm. So we had really fast shopping in the mall which consists of many levels, many clothing shops. We couldn't finish shopping the entire mall because we only had 2 hours there. Rushed up and down and i only bought a top there. Then we cabbed back to the bus terminal which the bus was to leave at 7pm and we missed the bus. We got lost in a foreign place with no adult, no phones and it felt so much like a survivor race. Then we got instructions from the staff there that there is another bus leaving at 8pm, so we rushed down by their trains on our own. Almost lost, but we made it there. Got up the last bus and back to the cable car terminal where we took the cable car up to Genting. It was already pretty late and we felt so lucky to be able to made it back on our own. #Proudkids. Went to hotel to rest and back to the theme park to play. We were so tired but the day was definitely fulfilling :)

Check out the hotel around 11am and we went to eat our brunch at Pizzahut. Walk around the place and took pictures while we went to Starbucks. Thinking there will be wifi but no there isn't. So we spend 2hours there rotting and freezing like mad. Got on the coach at 3.30pm and reach Singapore at 1030pm. Cabbed home with mui. Feels good to be home but it felt like i have been gone not just 3 days but more.

(too much photos to upload so a photoslideshow works better)

Wonderful trip to Genting with my girls, we met all kind of people in all kinds of situation and learn to be independent while having fun :)

What am I even hoping for?

2011-12-21T08:13:00.002+08:00

Goodbye Singapore.
I will leave all the sadness of 2011 there when I return on Friday and start living 2012 happier.

drenched

2011-12-20T16:03:00.005+08:00

Town yesterday for some mini shopping for our genting trip tomorrow. Was raining at town and we were all wet while walking in the rain. Been feeling so cold for the entire day, getting sick soon. Have yet to start packing, im so lazy, shall leave it till at night. I want to continue sleeping on sucha nice weather. Hahaha!

2011-12-18T23:53:00.002+08:00

This holiday i have been spending so much although its like only a week gone. Its just three more days till i will be going away to Genting with my girls, can't wait. When i come back its already xmas eve and then xmas. And then another week more of holiday and 2011 gonna end, school gonna start. Sucha short holiday but feels like i have done quite alot of stuffs. I guess this December isn't so bad. At least, i was enjoying myself while taking a break and im happy up till now :)

Top Girl.

2011-12-13T23:16:00.002+08:00

Can't chase what we have lost.

2011-12-13T18:38:00.004+08:00

I stayed home for the entire day today and clean my shelves and wardrobe for 5 solid hours! I didn't realize the time until dad came back and then i realize i didn't had my lunch and my breakfast too. I was on an empty stomach for the entire day, maybe not for dinner later, so hungry!!! :(

While packing, i found so much memories in the things i used to buy and keep up till today, things that go as early as primary school days. There is so much to remember within that six years although some image that is appearing in my mind is already quite blur cause i can't remember every single thing that happen, but i sure do remember my friends, every single one of them. I remember writing diaries, passing small notes in class, quarreling over the silliest thing, taking pictures, hanging out at the playground everyday after school and everything ...

I also saw my secondary school class photos, i miss my teachers, i miss days that we get punish as a clique especially during english lesson, i miss how we enjoy the punishment cause its way too stupid, i miss getting to school late and being caught over the slightest thing, i miss food and nutrition lesson, i miss cooking with my class, i miss taking exams and mugging over them together with my friends, i miss how i used to skip class often with my best friend, i miss my lower secondary classmates, we used to be a class that is so united, i miss dining at the nearby coffeeshop till late, i miss ...

Maybe after i graduate from poly, i would miss many things here too, i must say its been wonderful studying here and knowing every single friends i have made, be it friends that no longer that close or what, these are all parts of my memories that i will remember.

Time do flies, i wish i stay and never will have to aged. I dislike getting old and coming to a point in life that i have to worry about my health and then leave the world. Its just too painful :/

2011-12-11T16:55:00.003+08:00

stay with me.

Been so long.

2011-12-10T23:27:00.009+08:00

Its a lovely Saturday for me, i woke up at 1pm and have my lunch which my dad bought back for me. Head out at 3pm with mui for our shopping. Went to Oakham Market first before going to check the price for our Genting getaway trip this holiday at Chinatown. Orchard after that to continue shopping. And then Swensens for dinner. Been so long since i last shop so much and had such wonderful times, am so happy today, everything just go along smoothly. I like :)

So in the end, i bought two tops from Oakham, two tops from Editor's Market and 4pair of socks from Uniqlo. And had a wonderful dinner and icecream. This is life man, my definition of life after a tiring semester.

Bless.

2011-12-10T02:09:00.002+08:00

Happy Birthday to my one and only Best Boy-Friend.

deepest wish from my heart.

Just finished watching 夏日乐悠悠 Love you you, sucha sweet and simple love movie.
Shopping tomorrow, i hope the days ahead gets better and happier. All i asked for is to have a simple sweet december holiday, simple getaway, simple gathering with the people i love.

2011-12-09T18:38:00.004+08:00

Workshop is over. School is over.
It's the start of my three weeks of holiday.

Why don't I seem excited? It seems like plans get cancelled easily and things will not go according to what we have planned. Suddenly feel so sian of everything, I wish I have more options in life. More activities, more circle of friends, more money, more of everything ... why do i sound so greedy :(
I really wish I could go tonight, but guess just everything that happens falls on the wrong timing. I really didn't wish for such things to strike on me today, what a bad disappointing friday. Thats marks the start my holiday ... a bad one!

Only thing i could tell myself not to be sad about was to look at clothes, look at tumblr, look at everything that brings me to not think about how bad this Friday is. Looking at pretty clothes makes me happy, buying them makes me even more happy, gonna get them once i get money from my mum.
I want to change, to someone who is skinnier, prettier, someone people will remember. I don't need to be the most styled one in town, the most cool girl guys will thought of but just someone who will allow myself to have more confident, not such low essence i have in myself now. I feel so sick and tired of myself, sucha horrible me :( I just want to be a different me, a better me.

Then again, why am i feeling all this on my finally holiday Friday? WHYYYY!!! :'(

2011-12-06T19:07:00.002+08:00

Found this picture of us on the stomp website under club section, its the night at Zouk's Designer Drugs. Didn't know the photographer who took us was from stomp, thought he was someone from zouk, but ohwell, at least its not stomping us on some bad/disgraceful issues for people to discuss about :)

three more days to holiday!

2011-12-02T17:33:00.004+08:00

"Don't treat your friends like paperballs, someone who you throw around after you got bored of them, or they no longer interest you to stay with. Don't come back regretting all that you have done in the end, telling us how much you wish you didn't leave from the start."

#partyonafridaynight
friends are like your family that stays.

2011-11-28T23:25:00.006+08:00

Dilemma, a serious one.
I can't decide whether i should get that pair of shoes anot, its freaking $100plus and i really can't make up my mind. What if it doesn't suit me, what if it looks extremely weird on me, what if i just spoils the beauty of the shoe. I have been considered thrifty among my friends and because i don't spend so much like them, i get very indecisive when i have to take out my own savings to spend, maybe my mum will sponsor but who knows if its sure or not. I've asked her about it, and she give me the 50-50% chance face of sponsoring me. Yes or no? I have got few hours to think it through, just like yesterday where i missed the chanced to get two pretty ones for $157 from solestruck.com just cause i took freaking 5hours to think about it and in the end, when i wanted to get it, no more size. nice one.

Whatever, let me just think alittle more ...
Anyway, had our submission today and critique falls right after it. I am glad it turn out pretty well, and the result is better than what i have expected, I am extremely pleased to hear nice comments from the lecturers, i am glad they like my work. Shall push myself harder, just like what yvette says, i am someone with the unbeatable spirit and its good that i keep it going. :) So happy to hear that from her, encouraging!!!

So anyway, i will be going for my ITP interview tomorrow with my girls cos we applied together and get interviewed together. Hopefully we can get in together as well! Printing portfolio tomorrow with my construction drawings for submission on wednesday. Hope its another awesome day tomorrow. Cheers! :)

Need to club badly this week, missing the party for two freaking weeks, but wait i need to replenish some sleep first, too tired and shag.

2011-11-27T01:48:00.003+08:00

I want to shop, so fucking badly.
Next week next week! Party/shopping/Kbox!!!

2011-11-22T10:50:00.002+08:00

I'm dying on a Monday, hoping for a better Tuesday, knew i will die even more on a Wednesday, enduring and persevering on a Thursday, rushing my work on the Friday and letting go of myself on a Saturday.

I'm so tired, thoughts of giving up keep surfacing in my head. I don't know what the fuck i am doing, the model in rhino looks like a piece of trash. I feel like the entire project is such a waste of my time. There is no point in continuing, uh fuck.

2011-11-20T23:57:00.002+08:00

Life has been so busy, one more hectic week to pass. Fuck this shit, lets go!

" Sometimes we wish we wouldn't be too happy with what is temporary because we don't ever want to need something we know we can't have forever."

healing.

2011-11-14T23:25:00.001+08:00

Can't wait for another 4 god damn weeks to pass fast cause it will be the holiday again. Just a month more! This week and next week gonna have a 'new' project, just a continuous one from the previous parts. And then the last 2 weeks, will be having workshop throughout. Can't wait for December to come, its a happy month because there is Christmas. Although i don't foresee i will be damn free anyway because we got to settle our ITP stuffs, but i still look forward, hopefully can plan a small getaway with ma girls during then. Our promise winter holiday at the hotel, hehehe!

my cough has been so bad, my stomach hurts whenever i cough. im so tired :(

2011-11-12T23:24:00.002+08:00

Last minute decision to head down to the club on a special date 11/11/11. Met up with yq and his friends first for dinner at cityhall. Cab down to rebel with the four of them and then we went to drink. Didn't drank much as my throat was hurting badly, my cough got worst. So irritating! Went back to rebel around 12plus and it was hell crowded, could hardly find a spot in the dancefloor. Christine came down to join us after that and we had an awesome night spend together. Waited till going 6am before we cab back home. Had lots of fun, club again soon tgt! ^^

Party tonight?

2011-11-11T00:00:00.001+08:00

HAPPY 11/11/11 !

Just knowing that having a few dear ones and my family is enough :)

2011-11-10T23:42:00.004+08:00

Lets find an escape route all the way to heaven with nothing but happiness.

Botanic after class today for site visiting. Mad hot there i could die with my fever and cramps inside. The mosquitoes bites were irritating, i wish i wore long pants at that time. We left after taking 3 site photos and took a bus down to orchard. Had some walk and dinner before we left home. What a tiring day, i wish i didn't step out my house a single bit, been feeling so weak in school after taking the medicine.

Maybe i was wrong, but i am fine. Its time to dump every single useless thing that is troubling me in this world. Someone used to say that letting go is the solution to finding back your own freedom, own happiness. Since thousands could do it, why not us who left with a broken heart? I mean i should have known better isn't it, i'm too dumb for carrying hopes that easily, thinking things really will change. But i was just deceiving myself. But i'm fine, i need to believe my fate, fate of losing, fate of gaining, fate of meeting or even fate of dying when the times comes. Just everything will come when the time is right, i shouldn't hope nor search, just let things take its course right? I will do fine, just let me sleep over it for tonight. I need sleep badly ...
Maybe being where i am now will make me happier, maybe just all this is enough, just knowing some friends who cares, some who don't and i can't be bothered, some who is too precious to lose, some that brings smile as long as we are together, some that could just easily make me forget. Im really fine, im not tearing at all. I just got cleared that its just like this. Let go. I should really kick habit of taking in words too seriously when they have no meaning at all. I need to wake up like what my friend say! And i mean it when i say i am happy as long as you are, with your partner. :)

2011-11-08T02:41:00.006+08:00

I can't sleep, these thoughts are haunting me over and over again ...

There is just too much i want to say, yet i have to keep them as my secrets.
Because I might ruin what we have i don't wanna lose what we got.

2011-11-07T02:08:00.000+08:00

I need all this amount of sweets right infront of me, NOW.

Epic.

2011-11-06T01:20:00.001+08:00

Phuture with my girls on Friday. Yes it was just the three of us cos no other people were there, all at rebel. So sad uh :( Had an awesome and happening night as there were lots of weird people, funny stuff that make our night crazy. We cab down to Spize for supper after that before we cab back home. Had my critique before the night, everything went well even when i got a silent critique. Lucky. :)

Long weekends, felt like a holiday ever since Thurday, after the submission. Like a long 5days holiday. Feel so good to have a short break for now, am total getting not enough sleep from the previous project, need to replenish. Next week gonna be quite slacking and free too i guess, so happy :)

2011-10-29T19:30:00.003+08:00

Another week of school gone like this, getting tougher i am so confused about the brief we had, i guess i just gonna pass with this amount of knowledge i had for it. I will be thankful enough to just know i am not on the wrong track and that then i can work on from there. Submission of model etc on coming Wednesday, nothing done up yet. Only gonna try to do up the laser cuts on Monday, meanwhile a mockup over the weekends. Hopefully i will be able to complete it by the datelines. What a tiring week, with lesser and lesser sleep.

So much have happen, all around the world. I read the news about the Thai flood moving on to bangkok a couple of days ago and its really bad. Recalling the times i had in Thai just earlier this month, make me cannot stop being worried for the people there because they are such simple people living with such simple stuffs in life. When all this happen to their home country, its like destroying their only place to stay, whats more they isn't well to do from the first place. So saddening.

We gonna cherish everything we have today becos we never know what will hit tomorrow. Everything we get today is a bless and we just got to not take it for granted.

Not Just You.

2011-10-23T02:58:00.000+08:00

Enough of heartbreaks.

2011-10-22T22:08:00.003+08:00

First week of school and pack with assignments here and there, lucky they are still small projs that can still be handle for now. Workload gonna double and build up soon, bad week for not having enough sleeping hours.
Fucking hate it, hate people who think they are so important. Fuckyou! One day im gonna make them pay for whatever they have done to me and throw back double for their stupid fuck up minds.

Loving my pretty girls. :)

2011-10-15T22:44:00.002+08:00

Anyone started on their portfolio and cover letters? Im kinda stucked, don't know how to do, what to include and the standards to meet. Anyone, help? :/ I doubt many people remember to do it anyway, hope when school reopen on monday, i will get a clearer idea of what to do to really complete them instead of parts by parts now.

Random thoughts but while researching for some examples of resumes, i chance upon all the beautifully done up graphics. Kinda regret not taking up graphics design and also super regret not taking up photography course. Maybe i will pursue into that field after getting my interior design diploma. Who knows anyway ...

Its two more days to school, how fast. :)

2011-10-12T12:25:00.004+08:00

Just a few days more and school gonna reopen. Sad that it happen rather fast cos a week in ChiangMai took away too much days of October. But anyway i do miss school except for the fact that i haven't start on my ITP CV and Portfolio. Hope to complete them before school start, got to kill all the lazybugs in me.

Heading out with the girls later at night. Hehehe!

2011-10-10T19:14:00.003+08:00

Hi Singapore, i miss you terribly.

Life for a week in Thailand was pretty nice, it was nice with the companion of my friends and the awesome cheap deals you can get when you shop. Volunteering help for the building of a house for the family was also great. It was tiring but it was all worth it.

I remember the day my family send me off to the airport from the chalet at pasir ris, i cried when i started to bid goodbye to them through the glass panels at the airport. It was hard for me to leave Singapore for a long period of time without them, it was the first time not counting the malacca trip back a year ago with the school too. I fear taking the plane too since its my very first time too but everything was perfectly fine, it wasn't that scary at all and i kinda like it. Reaching Thailand, we got welcome by the Habitat community and got us send to our hotel. Then we had dinner and shopping at the Sunday Market. Everything was cool and really nice there.

Work started on the second day we were there and we chiong all the way with early dismissal for that day. The next day of work too. Didn't know we could work so fast to even be able to leave early. Muscle ache started attacking then and we went to the massage on one of the days. It was a nice experience. The food and friendly people there made me kind of miss Thailand now. Pouring and carry sand/gravel/cement filled buckets, mixing the mortar, carrying bricks and fixing the walls, climbing up high with shaky platforms, everything was an experience. Work was completed kinda early and things became kind of memorable at the end because the people were too nice there. I guess sometimes the people who live with simple things in their life are the one who truly can experience happiness that easily.
We had shopping almost like everything since the night bazaar market is just right below our hotel. We shop and bargain like crazy to get the most worth deals. Some uncles there were freaking tikos, doing all sorts of sound to get our attaction whenever we walk pass ==! We went swimming too when we have early dismissal from work on days in the hotel, it was cold but fun.
Everything ended when we left for the Thailand Airport to board the plane. Thats when i felt sick suddenly when i woke up from my sleep on the plane. All i can say is that i am suay to get all this on the day i left Thailand. Bought some alcohol and perfume before i went out of the hall and to my parents. It has been long since i last saw them, miss everything in Singapore so much.

I guess this trip was a great one for me to experience when i am having my holiday since i wanted to get away from Singapore so badly weeks ago. I guess i couldn't agree more that home is always the best place for me. I got to appreciate everything i have now and not take things for granted cos things doesn't come easy, everything has to be earn by ourselves.

2011-10-01T13:59:00.002+08:00

Bye home.
Leaving for Chalet, flight's tomorrow.
Back on the 9th of Oct.

Always

2011-09-29T23:51:00.002+08:00

Went to shop with Jasmine and Xiaoshi today at Orchard. Last meeting with them before i am going for my Thai trip on coming Sunday. Kind of excited but at the same time very worried, i hope i survive haha, i will survive right? :/ I always get this fear that something will happen once i step out of Singapore. In year1, the trip to Malacca by travel bus, i fear that the bus will crash since Msia always got such news. Now year2, the trip to Thai by aeroplane, i fear that the plane will crash too. Why am i always so paranoid and thinking of stupid stuffs that everyone say it will not happen. Need to stop all this negative things and look forward to the good happy future i am gonna have. So anyway, i am gonna stay mia from home once October starts. 1st of october will be having my family chalet then 2nd to 9th of october, i will be at thailand doing the voluteering for habitats. Gonna build a simple house for a family, i am so looking forward to getting out of Singapore cos its too bored here.

Ohya, shopping today was great. I bought quite a number of stuffs and spend a total of 60plus bucks. Bought a skater dress for the night with the girls when i am back from thai, a forever21 bandage skirt that cost only 11bucks but pretty, 2socks and a new black watch. We had free lunch at fareast today and coldrock icecream for dinner. Super love the day with my pretty girls, hehehe! Gonna miss you guys when i am away, will try to get you guys gift if thai has anything attractive. Can't wait to see you guys when Qni and I are back, looking forward to the 12th of October :)

Qni is back from Hongkong and Jes is going Bangkok tomorrow. Takecare pretty! :) Be back safely and cya soon!!! ^^

2011-09-28T03:44:00.002+08:00

I got to make things right, got to make things work
I got to make things back to how it used to be, make things less awkward

I got to change myself, change to a better me

I got to be responsible for my actions, got to bring back the past

I got to make things normal, got to stop escaping
I got to try my best, give my all

I got to work hard, not disappoint my parents

I got to fufill my parents wish, stop spoiling r/s
I got to talk more and bring back our everything we once have and shared

I just need to do all this, just all this for now!
Its true that what matters most now are my family and friends, i don't want to regret only after i lose anything important in my life. I don't want to be living in a world now saying how i wish i did ... in the past, how i wish i had ...
I don't want to be someone living in today, wishing i had did something yesterday. I don't want to live with regrets. I got to stop escaping the things i should be doing to make things better, should be responsible for my actions and mend back things i have broken. Its time i should really try everything i have gotten now, to bring a good future.

no feelings.

2011-09-28T00:26:00.001+08:00

3more days to family chalet.
4more days to thailand.

Boringlife,wanttogoout:(

No comments.

2011-09-22T01:11:00.004+08:00

Mum's birthday yesterday, well simple celebration.
Yeah, i love my family.

Who do you fucking think you are.

2011-09-18T02:54:00.005+08:00

Some people just think too highly of themselves, they thought they are too awesome, everyone will like them. But sad to say, its not that case. Instead, almost everyone dislike them. I guess such people need a bigger mirror to better view themselves and stop thinking they are so useful to everyone. Some people speak like the whole world owns them a living, scolding everyone or being upset over everything happening in this world. Nothing pleases them. This people need to know that life doesn't always go their way and there is a need to move on, dumping every negative things aside. Some people speak with so much sarcasm in their words, they thought no one knows what they are trying to hint yet people isn't that stupid to not understand that meaning behind it. This people are too naive.

Seriously, time for some changes already la people.

Red cooked crabs.

2011-09-16T15:48:00.004+08:00

Sentosa in the noon with Quennie, Jasmine and Xiaoshi yesterday. Trying to get my shoulders alittle more tan but in the end, its in pain now cos tio sunburn and its freaking red! My nose like a randolph, feel so much like a red cooked crab, hahaha.

Jes join us at night for Spize and SwirtArt after that while Jasmine went back. Spend solid hours chatting and gossiping while making SwirtArt like our home. Haha like a boss. Plan some interesting gathering before holiday ends in a month time :) So excited!!! ^^

Dinner with parents later, so long since i last went grocery shopping with them, need to spend more time with them in case they gets lonely while my bro is away from home :)

we are so free

2011-09-15T00:53:00.003+08:00

Finally i replace my lost ezlink card before going for bugis today. Wanted to shop but just didn't caught my eye on anything. Totally got the don't feel like spending money feeling. Went to collect my shoe from ohsofickle at Haji then head for dinner and Swirt Art :) Hehehe, short yet enjoyable day cos its with my bitch mui. Hahaha.
I know i look fat cos i got fucking fat legs and arms, but bobian also cannot slim :(

Sentosa tomorrow :)

Burn all away.

2011-09-13T13:16:00.002+08:00

Celebrated Mid Autumn Festival with ma girls. Had dinner at JP before that then we hunt for the stuffs to buy but everywhere went out of stock, luckily we got bring some packets of candle. And we bought the packet bomb, haha! It rain when we were out of JP so we had a change of venue but gradually it stop so we went outdoor again :)
Play with candles, light up lanterns, bomb fight, spam pictures, eat mooncake, talk. Haha so fun. Some stupid auntie even went to take picture of us because we created quite a big fire, but not big enough to burn the whole place down. I think she gonna stomp or call the police so we quickly ran and went to her doorstep and place the bomb outside her house which created a loud sound when it burst. Head to mac to chill after that and reach home around 12 midnight. :)

love.ma.girls

2011-09-11T17:45:00.002+08:00

Hi, this is me when i am a child going two years old. See my fat legs and arm! Hahaha.

Im so bored, this holiday not fun >:/

Heart sank as i experience.

2011-09-09T21:49:00.003+08:00

There is alot to say about just today, the feelings were rushing out in madness while at Tekong. Morning was bad due to the jam while in the taxi from Jurong to Pasir Ris. Funny things happen while waiting for the shuttle bus down to the Ferry Terminal. There are alot of waitings here and there with rides and tours in between the entire procedures. The army training school down at Tekong makes me have the sudden urge to sign up as a female recruit at that moment while seeing the sergeants in their smart outfits, i like that charm, that spirit on their face. It makes me feels like they have accomplish something big everytime a batch graduates, it pretty hard to explain till you see it yourself. Its different. I tear alittle while an army video was being played to us, the background music was way too powerful and touched. I tear again while having the last byes with bro at the end, i feel sad especially when i see all the worried parents so reluctant to bid off their sons. I didn't expect myself to be that emotional, but that super soul feeling just attacked my heart as i watch. The ride back was long, from tekong to jurong, an hour and a half or more. Couldn't imagine everytime the army boys booked out.
I wonder if during my time when i will be leaving for Thailand for a week, will i cry too. I think i will cause i couldn't imagine myself without my parents by my side. I always fear about alot of things, even things like what if the plane crash while i am on the plane. Too negative thoughts. And i am pretty scared about the plane rides too since i never have been on one before, i hope nothing will go wrong.
Its gonna be tough but just enjoy the process and most important, make it back safely.

2011-09-09T02:01:00.003+08:00

Freaking weak body for the entire day, in so much pain. Last minute decision to head down to town with xs for movie and dinner. Head down to Ion for our super late brunch cos we were so dam hungry, i didn't had anything for the entire day. Then, we watch Smurfs at Cineleisure after sucha long time, its freaking cute and funny! H&m after our show and then down to Tiong Bahru for dinner.

7 more hours, so sad :(
Shall sleep now since i have to wake at 6am to prepare for later.

Secret wishes.

2011-09-08T02:50:00.004+08:00

Hate the numb and sour feeling after getting an injection, so uncomfortable.
Bro is getting enlist into the army this coming friday, feel so sad and hard to accept the truth that time pass so fast. Often, i can't express such feelings to him cause its awkward since many things happen, i can only choose to keep it to myself or tell me mum once in a while. We have grown up, there are many things that we somehow lost while growing up, we can never be that innocent like how we are when we are young anymore. I miss my childhood so much, especially when my bro is with me, looking back at the photos we took when we are young, i really miss it so much. Seeing your own kin serving the army is not really something to be happy about to me, that is because you can't get to see him that often anymore, 2 weeks a time is too long. I know no guys can escape the fate of serving the NS in Singapore, i know its a process that allows them to be more mature and independent while serving the country, but knowing that he is alone, in a new environment, with no 100% guarantee that its gonna be safe, it makes me worried somehow. Yes, i don't show but that doesn't means i don't care, i got feelings which i choose to hide.
I can't imagine every night when my parents are already sound asleep, i will be the only one awake since 10pm with my room the only one lighter up in the whole house. I can't imagine not having my bro coming into my room to ask me what i want for lunch once in a while. I don't like this. I don't like people leaving me, although i know he didn't, he just went to 'work' but i feel so insecure. I know it will be hard for me to get use to this :'(
But all i wish for is for him to be completely safe and healthy. I will miss all this so badly.

fuck

2011-09-05T22:03:00.005+08:00

I kinda hate the life i am having now, this holiday is so meaningless, it's so boring. Feeling so empty down here. All i did was to wake up everyday at noon, watch my dramas, had my meals, then back to sleep again at midnight. Fucking hate this, i want to get out of this place so badly. I want to enjoy fullest, i want to have many many plans with people i care but still, nothing goes right, especially when there is no money. I am tired of my parents nagging whenever i need money from them to head out, i did save but i don't have income, so how the fuck am i gonna survive without my parent sponsoring some. I want to get busy to forget and stop thinking all the unnecessary but i am that free, so fucking free, i can't help it isn't it. I wish school starts now, i get to work like some crazy bitch and get myself so fucking busy i can stop thinking and just work and work continuously without rest. I wish i could fucking forget everything and just be happy, maybe not be happy for the work i produced, but at least too tired to even think of stuffs that make me unhappy. I fucking feel so fucking fucked up, screw this holiday seriously.

I want to fucking get out of here.

heartaches

2011-09-04T20:18:00.004+08:00

I am confused.

I don't know what i want, what to do.
Fuck this shit.

Waking up everyday in cold sweat, counting the days that pass, only to realize reality was this lonely

needtogetdrunk.

Red cherry cheeks.

2011-09-04T02:26:00.000+08:00

Long time since i met up my sec sch friends. Went to have dinner at japanese buffet at 313 then to clarke quay to drink. Xh was drunk, omg first time. Great time out with them, miss it!

Why am i feeling all this.

2011-09-02T20:18:00.008+08:00

Don't left me awake in the darkness all alone.
Headache, cold sweat. Suffering.

miss.

What you see may not be what i feel

2011-08-30T14:44:00.005+08:00

Sometimes what we want may not be what we get eventually.
There may be thousands of reasons to things we really want and hope to get, but just one reason to let it go. Its simple, life doesn't always go according to what we plan, nothing will go right just because we want it to be. There may be time where we have to force ourselves to accept the truth that we can't be there possessing everything, it may hurt like a bitch even how cruel the truth is. Time like this really is torturing but i guess it will benefit one somehow, even if its not yourself, it will benefit the others.

Anyway, i cut my hair, more than 15cm gone. So not use to it.

2011-08-25T01:01:00.003+08:00

Gym again tomorrow. My life has revolved around the word sleep, i have been sleeping my days away ever since the day submission ends. I feel sucha pig for not doing anything except to sleep. My critique on next monday and i have totally no feel for it. Shall prepare only when weekends arrive. I am bored, so bored. I want to shop!
I love pigs and ma girls. Please tell me if any of you have problems, we are in this together babes :)

2011-08-21T17:39:00.003+08:00

Shopping at Orchard with ma girls yesterday, tiring yet short day cos we met rather late. And i did not bought any clothes, damn it. Nevermind, just save and buy another time.
Someone just made me laugh, seriously i don't know if i should be angry or what kind of regret knowing such a person.
Whatever, heading to Baybeats 2011 later, fuck off you mofo.

Fourth.

2011-08-21T01:08:00.005+08:00

Featuring: Small sized girl in our group.

While i am typing this out, i realised we have very little pictures together, always is got that pig head stuck in between ours. Haha! To me, you are a very slim and small sized girl, fashion is all written over you. Black is our favourite colour. You are a very fast paced worker when comes to work, especially when you are at home doing it yourself, someone who can concentrate very well in work. You are someone who is more vulgar then me, someone who love topshop and those type of very steady people. Now that its holiday, we gonna enjoy more! I believe there are many times you get emo, especially at night, just like how i am too. I know you can find your happiness easily so keep that smile coming in. We are gonna enjoy this holiday, and shop again real soon! Hahaha
I love you small sized girl, we will all be in this together :)

Third.

2011-08-20T12:36:00.003+08:00

Featuring: My first friend in SP.

This girl is sweet, cute and very caring. She is the first friend i made when i step into SP, remembering the orientation day, she sat next to me playing games, we were always together. She has been in the same class as me since my first year in poly. There are many times we quarrel during then but she is the only one who stay with me till then, from cliques in year one to now, she is the one who truly stays. She don't judge people by what others say, she choose to believe what she sees instead. She is special in her own way. I love her for she always ask me to be strong with words of hers, she made me realized things i might never know before. She is dear to me, one that i never will like to lose. One thing i like about her, is that she is strong, i know she is and i believe nothing will bring her down. Sometimes losing might be gaining more instead, i believe you will be happier :)
I love you girl, the very soft hearted and adorable one. We are in this all together, always isn't it. We will pull each other when the others fall, encourage each other when one is lost. Just together is enough to pull us through. Hehe :)

Second.

2011-08-19T22:06:00.006+08:00

Featuring: Da-Jie

Around a year i have known you and things have pretty well go alright for us. You are someone great to confide in, someone who will give me advice when i am broken, someone who will force the hard way to let me get over things, someone who will sing me sad love songs when i want to burst out in tears. You were helpful when it comes to schoolwork, someone who enjoy shopping like i do. Someone who is like a big sister, someone whose atm never will have no money. A great shopping partner, an awesome friend. You were someone who were there to both see me in happiness and sadness, its been long. I recall memories of us, too many to say. Lets work hard together and you must always be happy! I know that someone overseas now will give you happiness, haha always the strong da jie! :)

I love you pretty slim girl, hehe.

First.

2011-08-18T11:18:00.002+08:00

Featuring: My Bestfriend.

Its been 5 years going 6 since we know each other. You are just like a dear sister to me. I don't know how many times in school people has mistaken us as real sisters because they say we look alike. Haha! There are too many memories to name, from secondary one till now, we have been through so much together. I guess you are the next person who understands me the most other than my parents. Sometimes i don't know what i want in life either and you were there to help me. When i was down, you were there, always being the most cheerful person around me. I remember your laughter, the one thing that never will make people not laugh. It been so memorable, days in secondary would not have been awesome without you around. Remember the gossips, the stayover at your house, our past and everything. I remember everything that we did together. You are like someone whom thinking alike with me, even through eye contact instead of words, we can know what each other is thinking.
I love you bestfriend, always and forever. Never once regretted knowing you, our friendship stays strong and many years will continue. Hehehe :)

No time to think.

2011-08-17T14:39:00.002+08:00

2 more days, cannot wait!
Have been doing up my journal entries since yesterday and finally am done with the text, left layout and pictures which is pissing me off cos i was doing it halfway and my illustrator suddenly error and shuts. And i haven't save, wtf! Waste my time arranging the layout and graphics. Nevermind, i shall do my 3dmax rendering first since everyone is complaining how slow and lag it takes, i guess my com will die and i have no extra com, if my laptop die, jiu gg liao. 1minute walkthrough video of my space is such a bitch, so mafan for what?! :(

2011-08-14T12:50:00.003+08:00

_|_ Dark circles and eyebags.

2011-08-13T14:30:00.004+08:00

Tired, pain, stress, don't know anything.
Just want to sleep.

One more week to endure, why does it seems so long. :(
I think i lost my passion in my course somehow, its like really pulling people down so much that people will want to give up so often even after all that we have gone through.

2011-08-12T22:03:00.005+08:00

I don't like your attitude, i don't like your face, i don't hide that i like you when i don't. I know you doesn't like me too so its alright, cos i can't be bothered. Seriously you won't learn your lesson after we exposing your lies once, you just had to lie over and over again, for countless amount of time. When will you eventually stop? Maybe when you really lost every single one of your friends or should i say never? You will never learn to treasure friends, you will lie to them again and again.
Actually it isn't surprising when we found out today that you lied again, we are not disappointed anymore, we feel nothing because it clearly shows again how much you can actually be trusted. Totally lost all hopes in you speaking just one more truth. Even when all this happen, we treat you cold and stuff, you still wanted to continue breaking that last bit of friendship we wanted to keep with you? We will not be nice to you anymore, not even that last bit of guiltiness for being bad to you, cos you clearly deserve everything that you bring upon yourself. We wanted to close one eye once in awhile but you choose to bring more lies to destroy all this. Sorry, i am not gonna be nice anymore, you will not expect anything from me.
Like i say, if i don't like anyone, i don't hide and act like i do. So, i will take it that, you are just a schoolmate, a classmate and nothing else. Don't blame me cos even the smallest thing that you can come true with us, you chose to lie. Simple things like your grades, you also want to lie just to let yourself look smarter? Please, we know where your standard, you can't hide forever. And stop saying sarcastic things to my friends, stop being so confident in your work, it actually wasn't that great if you actually ask around. I think this is the key factor to why your work never did improve anyway.

It just happen that the tears choose to drop at this moment.

I'm perfectly alright.

2011-08-11T22:11:00.000+08:00

I wonder ... :'(

2011-08-10T23:10:00.005+08:00

I am gonna not do well in this project for sure. I totally screw everything up. From autocad, to rendering, to 3dmax to presentation board. Everything is screwed. Even my model. Yes, i am gonna get bad grades for this, i have a very strong feeling about it. I really am in no mood to do them properly, everything is too rush and i am really tired of it. 3DMax rendering is slow, it hangs my laptop. Presentation board is dam fked up cos the scales just won't behave and it lags my laptop too! Model, rush out within two days, like piece of shit. Everything la, fk! Cannot be bothered already, i just want to get out of everything that is troubling me and enjoy the upcoming holiday. I need a break from everything that happen. I really do. Its like pushing me to my limits already, i want to be happy but hais. No one understands.

My head damn pain, my throat damn pain. Everywhere pain uh fk.
Something wrong with my body, feeling weak.

2011-08-09T02:09:00.002+08:00

Just when i thought everything is on the right track, i was wrong. I wanted to give my best for everything that happen to me, but i failed. I am not good enough. I am a failure for life in such things. I don't think i deserve any anymore. This time it hurts even more, i can't stop my tears from flowing, i just can't accept the fact that people are leaving me so easily. I don't want things to turn out this way but since you have already made your stand so clear and firm, i can only choose to accept. But i am really hurt, i can't walk out of this. I feel like dying, its killing me, too deep :'(

2011-08-06T01:57:00.007+08:00

Model making is painful, tiring and not fun! Too big, material too thick, finger very pain, need alot of time to do. I don't like!!! Only two days to finish up and hand in on Monday. I shall work on craftmanship :)

The sky is never dark and scary when you are around. Happy boy.

2011-08-02T21:46:00.005+08:00

Gonna oovoo with my girls later while tonning to stay up and do my work. Will endure and not give up because everyone is encouraging me, i will not want to disappoint anyone.
Learn 3dmax lighting today, omg it wasn't that easy. I hope i have time to do my perspective on 3dmax well. Shall complete my autocad and rendering in photoshop lateron first. Hehehe!

There is always someone at the other end who you will meet, always being there for you. You just never know when the right one will arrives but they will eventually. Thanks Boy.

Kill me.

2011-08-01T22:01:00.008+08:00

I am gonna die many times this week, struggling to complete my work because time is running out and i have to at least finish my presentation boards by thursday for printing. I foresee 100bucks gonna fly away since each plan got to be 1:50 scale on a presentation board. Fuck uh seriously. I am really tired of this, i know its just a few more weeks but i really feel like escaping with the super short time frame left for me to finish almost everything that i have not done. Thanks uh lecturers, for not being standardize in the things you guys required during consultation. I seriously hate it when i do already you all say no need then another lecturer say need. Don't waste my fucking time, you think very easy do is it? You do yourself la. I mean i understand where you guys are coming from, trying to help us for our own benefits but at least get your requirements standardize, everyone is suffering because of the unclear instructions. You know we are stress, then don't create more trouble for us. I mean i don't blame you guys for correcting us, but don't make us do already then delete then do again just because you guys say its needed again.
Now that i know reflected ceiling plan and detailing is not required under presentation board, i am gonna just update and change my 5plans and 2 sections and then start on my rendering. I need to at least finish my autocad today else i will die during submission. And then 3dmax and rendering tomorrow. Hopefully i can get them done, no sleep for me tonight! Hate this long project, please end soon! I am getting super tired of you.

I got to thank my friends for being there for me while i am stress, we are stress together but you guys still tried to make me feel alright. At least i am not forgotten :/ Thanks alot, really :)

7morefuckingdays. then 18morestupiddays.

2011-07-31T19:18:00.003+08:00

I slack all day and fall asleep while thinking of some stuff, haven't did any work up till now. Having my cornery popcorn, the only thing that made my day since its too nice to resist.

I don't really like today, pretty sucky, bad mood, lonely. Whatever.

Like honey and bee.

2011-07-26T19:49:00.002+08:00

Submission date got extension but with the new introduction to the next part of the project. T2c and T2d togther omfg !!! At least it got push back 4days for the model, boards and drawing parts while the final submission to end is on the 19th of August. Need to plan and make everyday a productive day.

Can't wait for submission date to be over, can't wait to end critique, can't fucking wait for holidays! Argh, one more month!!! Want to work, want to shop, want to have stayovers with the girls, want trip to overseas, want to enjoy, want to meet people and someone, want to get back the old secondary feeling, want to have my life, want to REST!!!

Someone just made my day, can you believe it? :)

Alittle more time for me.

2011-07-24T15:05:00.015+08:00

JX's 19th birthday celebration.

I don't like this, i see no hope in getting good grades for this project. Everything seems so out of direction. I just hope i will not do that badly and will be able to maintain my 3.5GPA when this sem is over. I really need the 2months of holiday to arrive badly. I want to rest and get away from work. I got no time for anything other than work and it makes me sad :( I want to get away from this for a period of time.

Mum is being so cute at times like this, she always make me laugh when i am down on a sunday afternoon due to stressing of work. She just acted like those retarded people in the show with very high pants and retarded pose, how cute!! ;) I am glad people like my family and those who care are always here for me, it makes me feel so bless to have them around.
I got thousands of apologises for people who i can't meet now because of my tight schedule, feeling guilty here but we will meet soon. Just give me alittle more time alright.

10 more days.

Can't wait for my instax wide 210 polaroid to arrive!!!

sillybunnywalkinginthelivingroom.

2011-07-19T22:05:00.002+08:00

New brief, same project.

Submission in 3 more weeks, actually 2 more weeks to be exact.

16 more days to go!

CHIONGGG

Cannot be trusted.

2011-07-17T19:28:00.007+08:00

Jes belated birthday celebration on thursday. Sakae Sushi > Party World > Oakham Market > Dinner :)

I will be true to you, i fucking hate you. Don't make me despise you further. Please know and learn to say things only when you are supposed to say. Please say things to the right person. I thought you change better but i am wrong, you are still you. A leopard never change its spots and you will never change too. Yes you have change in a way, but the wrong thing bitch. You change and imitate, it makes me feel disgusted badly because you lost the original you. Please don't spoil the market, please know what suits you and what doesn't. You spoil the perfect image you once portrayed nicely.
The moment you say things you thought nothing would go wrong, you should expect that one day, things gonna change, people gonna leave and we will never trust you again. Don't be stupid to be blinded by things that were fake to you for that moment. Please know and slap yourself awake if you have to cause you wasn't worth our concern anymore.

I am speechless when the issue is you. Don't blame us if we choose to leave and end all this like soon. Cause you bring all this upon yourself. Maybe you can learn to treasure people and keep your mouth shut when the time requires you to. Think before you say anything in case anything gonna befall on you. Lets see, how long you can continue this game ...

And i seriously dislike people bringing any harm to my friends, you don't fucking try to do it cause it will get you out of nowhere. Let see hur ... :)

Heart.

2011-07-17T14:44:00.009+08:00

Family.

To me, that is the most important thing in my life be it now or in the future. I was often blinded by things i can easily forgot just because i was busy with assignments. But the fact that i treasure it in my heart doesn't really help me remembered when i am really busy. My heart goes out when i see my uncle in pain, it injects a pain that kills your heart when you see someone you care suffered. Unbearable.
It has been long since i last visited my relatives, because of work. Every week, my parents will head up to visit without fail unless there is really something on that day, but seeing my uncle recovering from one illness and then getting another injuries after that kills me. Nothing is predictable i believe. Nothing will stay away from you if it really wants to come your way. Fate, yes i understand but it just makes my heart sad to see that pain it brings to people i care.
Health is the most important thing but many times things isn't within our control. We might have watch our diet closely, we might have tried to avoid taking in unhealthy things. But who knows, sometimes it just happens for no reasons at all. And then, we didn't even know how the hell are we supposed to be blame for it.
Maybe that is one reason i can't watch people suffering especially when they are in pain, especially when i know that it is really serious. That is one reason why i can't stand gore movies especially when i see blood, death etc. Because i know death is too painful for anyone out there to handle, at least for me i have to admit, i am afraid of leaving this world.

Often, people are doing things they once said they hate. Often, people are taking other people as example they change themselves into. I dislike the changes people once said they never will become. I don't want to continue looking at you going completely different from the you, you once were. I shall just let you sink deeper, to the day i couldn't recognize you anymore.

I just want to close my eyes and be happy.

I just hope all this wasn't a wrong beginning.

Let me be alone.

What else could i say?

2011-07-12T21:05:00.004+08:00

I guess the past does not matter, since the future is what is more important.
But am i making sure what i want my future to be will be lead correctly?
Am i making the right decision?

Yeah, critique and crs test is over, i can't be bothered for now that my work got back many comments from the lecturer, i know i did not do that well. Lack of time and strong thinking all the way long. I just hope i can a B at least and move on to the next project.

Gonna enjoy this week first, worry later cause we never know what is gonna happen tomorrow so for now, right now i just want to be happy.

suay day period :(

holiday not?

2011-07-10T18:28:00.006+08:00

Saturday night out with girls. Queue for Aston at Cathay like close to 2hours before we got our food. Gongcha after that and then to fareast to buy my platform sandals. Bar Bar Black Sheep to chill. Cab down to mui house around 3am and then 3Dmovie and cup noodles at her house. What a relaxing Saturday! 3more months to mui's 18, can't wait because we are going to the club to party :)

WWW tomorrow after exhibition at esplanade with the girls and boys (?)

YAY.

Fuckingtiring

2011-07-08T23:27:00.005+08:00

Finally submitted my work today, *let off a heavy stone weighing on my shoulder*. Am pretty satisfied with the fact that i am able to have a complete submission which i thought is impossible a weak ago. Just this week, 5days, i rush out everything that is needed to be hand in, Of course all this doesn't come easy. Sacrificing 5days of proper sleeping hours and replacing them with short naps of 1-2hours daily is really tiring. Totally shag and weak for not getting enough sleep. *think i age a few years now, fucking cui face*

Now that it has all ended for this week, we can finally relax alittle already. Its critique week next week with some continuation of lesson. Hopefully, be able to spend the one week of our self declare holiday properly! Get to enjoy and get back alittle of my life before the week after next week gonna be hectic again.

I want to get my hair dye/highlight asap! Get some new clothes and shoes and fucking enjoy life! Can't wait.

Lets see how many hours i will sleep lateron. I think i can sleep the whole day away. Need to replenish 5days of sleep. :)

2011-06-29T22:10:00.003+08:00

Its just the third day of school reopen and i am already so tired, both physically and mentally. One more week to endure to critique week. Hope the critique week will be slightly more relax for us to rest and then chiong again after that week.
Super duper tired, have been taking an hour nap for the past two days. Can't imagine how long more i can hang on. Neck and shoulder has been really sniff these days, getting flu and body temperature changes often. Falling sick soon.

Shall take half and hour of break and then continue work again.

2011-06-22T14:11:00.004+08:00

Steamboat lunch and dinner at Xs house ytd. It was so much fun except for her irritating bro, like a disrespectful only. So we head down to buy food at JP first then bus down to her house and then got started preparing. Eat dao very full, we watch tv and photobooth with her ipad like siao. So much funnn ^^(Y)

2011-06-18T02:48:00.001+08:00

I think i am really lost, completely lost in these two weeks.
Can't seem to figure out and start the engine going.

So disappointing.

Hilarious.

2011-06-11T16:55:00.003+08:00

Looking at my old posts of 2010 and i kind of think its hilarious. Hilarious of my immature self back then. Hilarious as i was way silly to believe in people easily. Hilarious cause i couldn't believe i was that young in mind. I am going to delete all the posts of 2010 i had, all those memories should be cleared and all the unwanted bad events shall be forgotten. Never gonna keep them in my mind at all because they are useless to me now, and i do not wish to be reminded at all.

This blog has been with me for a long time, for a year and a half i have been blogging my emotions down. It holds memories of course, it holds the deepest things i want and wish to say, it holds both sadness and happiness. It feels like a precious diary to me, but i do not regret deleting old posts because i believe the future will be much more worthwhile to remember. Its the future i am looking forward.

Thinking back, the 18 years of life in me constantly happen changes and incidents that left me thinking. Quite amazed at how all this changes brings a better and stronger me, how all this experiences come together. I always think ...

People come, people stay, people leave. All this happen in everyone's life. No doubt, only some people, this very small percentage of people that chanced upon your life will stay. Its like only 5-10% of it only. How magical and how precious things happen.

Three blind mices.

2011-06-09T23:56:00.000+08:00

Barrage with my girls today, an enjoyable one to say. Went out at 1pm plus and i was so hungry cos i didn't have anything for the entire morning, so i waited till around 2pm plus before i had mac at raffles place. Went Market Place to shop for some snacks and drinks before we cab down to Barrage. So excited baby! Had our small mini picnic with board games and spamming of photos for the entire day. Never getting tired! Luckily it wasn't really sunny today, quite windy. My headache reappear after we got on the shuttle bus back to Marina Bay as the bus was stuffy with lots of people especially the indians and construction workers. Whats worst wasn't them but their smell, it polluted the whole bus, and nah i wasn't being racist or trying to say they are freaking smelly. I respect them, i just couldn't take it when i am having headache. Home after that. Short yet enjoyable day, well spent with my girls.

Happyhappy, staying home tomorrow and i am gonna pack my wardrobe! ^^

2011-06-08T22:22:00.002+08:00

Surviving on a piece of bread for the entire day till its dinner time, totally forgot to have my lunch as i was busy packing my room, to be exact my shelf and boxes full of materials only. Couldn't have imagine how much dust was lying on my properties. Omg, freaking dirty! And i feel damn contented cause i cleared away a bag full of rubbish, you know the artfriend A1 plastic bag? Its freaking full and now that its gone, my shelve look slightly neater. Too much old stuffs, from primary school one till now.

And, i touched up my concept box too but adding the ropes in. I shall find one day this week to pack my wardrobe although i have packed it quite recently but the dust just can't stop entering my room. Need to keep my room as clean as possible :) And ... i want to paint my room and decorate it to a more cosy bedroom.

Some of you might know, i am not sleeping in my room anymore, i switch over to sleeping with my parents because i am afraid of the darkness at night especially in my room. My room don't have this very cosy and safe feeling, it makes me feel damn uncomfortable to sleep in, and i will always imagine and think of alot of stupid things when i am laying in my bed. So, i hope i can change its appearance soon, so that i can move back into my room hehehe! ^^

Alright, pretty excited for Barrage with my girls tomorrow. Bye!